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Sunday, January 8

Forgiveness.



Someone has wronged you in the past. He or she did something so dumb, so stupid and reckless and it literally torn you to pieces. They knew that their actions would be your undoing yet they still did it. Why? Is it out of spite? Out of hate? Or do they just like to see you broken, unmended even?


For a few days, you kept your distance and they seem to keep theirs. Why? Is it because they know that they have wronged you? Or is it the guilt ebbing away in their hearts and can't seem to look at you anymore without that twisted, gut-wrenching feeling, the leftovers of an act of misconduct?


And then finally, after so long, they approach you. You raise one eyebrow up as a signal to say "Whaddya want?" They shuffle their feet a little, shrug and finally said the one word that can either make you or break you; "Sorry." 


For a moment, you kept quiet. You don't know what to say or how to respond. Should you say "It's okay," and pretend that nothing's happened but it actually gave a broken fracture to your unending torment or should you just shoo them off and say you need time? How do you handle these situations, hm?


They broke your trust, and you can't seem to pardon the mistake that they have done. It hurts to know that the people you trust just stabbed you in the back. Somehow, you just don't want to forgive them, ever but a small tingling voice was quietly saying it would be better if you do. You're fighting with the demons inside yourself, whether to welcome them with open arms or to shun them away where you will never find solace with them.


ARGHH! 


You quietly shout, banging your head against the wall, not knowing what else to do. Then the faucet in you slowly twists open, first a drop, then another, then another. Finally, it broke and a stream of tears made its way out.


Shh, calm down. Do not cry. Now let me tell you a secret; The secret of forgiving.


Now people may and will do wrong to you. And you will also break a few people in the expanse of years that you will live. It's the way of life. Why? Because, we are humans; mortals. Capable of making mistakes. Day in, day out. Yes, we are the experts in the art of accident. That means, we can never truly run away from wrongdoing others whether it is in our consciousness or not.


But, here's the catch. Forgiveness is not something you force yourself to give. Like love, it comes naturally. So if it comes, when it comes, you'll know. But remember that it is not a requirement. 


So, even if someone has plead forgiveness, if you think it as unnecessary or if you are unwilling to give it out yet, it's fine. It's not the end of the world. The world will still rotate on the same axis and it will still change from day to night. 


After a period of time, you will long for them. Even if you feel a loathesome feeling in your heart right now, one fine day, you will wake up with an emptiness; a void that is to be filled with the person whom once broke you, said sorry but who you wasn't ready to forgive yet. And on that moment, I tell you, go.


Find them, give them a bone crushing hug, and look them in the eyes. Then you say the words that they so desperately wanted to hear from long ago; "I forgive you." 


Time stops, and there is glimmer in both your eyes. Finally, both of you will laugh and cry at the same time. Missing the moments that was spent being apart from each other.


Yes, saying sorry after making a mistake is one thing, but forgiving someone for theirs is another. Do not worry if someone haven't forgiven you yet. Time heals, even if it as slow as pond water. And if you're not ready to forgive someone, then it's okay too. It is okay to dwell on anger and tears but at the end of the day, it is always better to just forgive and be happy for all the possible things in life.


Lastly, forgiving someone is not a sign of weakness. It means that you're strong enough to let go of the past and move on with your life. Turn the page and start a new chapter, is how the saying goes. So never be afraid to say sorry or forgive someone, because chances are that you might just make their day :)


Nuryn Umyra, signing out xx

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